Andrea Roe’s story.

I found her story through MentorConnect. I am part of that website.

www.youarenotalonebook.com is the website where i found her story. That is actually the name of her book, which i haven’t read but it is probably quite interesting. It is filled with success stories from other ED survivors. I like that phrase, ED survivor. I am working on that. I am surviving ED and conquering it. It feels much more hopeful. On her blog, she interviews a mother who helped in the healing process of her daughter’s anorexia. What i liked about reading the interview was the myth that you can never fully recover from an ED but that you can actually be recovered. This is not like alcoholism where you are recovering for the rest of your life. you can actually recover. i love that and totally believe it.

Why? because for one, i was not always struggling with ED (eating disorder) or even disordered eating. my struggle with bulimia started AFTER college. before college, i struggled with depression and lo self esteem. last year tho i actually talked to a health professional that told me he thinks i didnt really struggle from depression as much as anxiety that i simply repressed all the time adn it manifested as depression. so i consider that i probably struggled with both. sure why not.

i dont like labels i tell myself but it has been very easy over the years to label myself as ‘a mess’, ‘seomthing wrong with me’, a victim to depression, bulimia, etc. i think it is somehow easier to be a ‘victim’ because you are not responsible for what is happening. but i AM responsible for this. of course i dont want to BLAME myself or be hard on myself. whatever habits we have as humans i think are just ignorant or naive ways we think we are taking care of ourselves or dealing with life. unfortunately sometimes the habits become ingrained before we become educated about the distruction of certain habits. but hey, nothing is new under the sun. for example, the Romans were bulimics. they would have vomitoriums in between feasts. that was crazy to read about once. dont quote me on that but im pretty sure i read that somewhere-look it up i fyou are curious.

anyway, enough of that. i am writing today because i want to remind myself that i dont have to continue like i have the past few days of being in darkness feeling like i have to agree to everything the ED tells me to do. i woke up today after a very discouraging first day on the sugar support program http://www.sugar-addiction-book.com/classes/ (there is a link also to the site to the right of this page). i ‘failed’ at day 1. i ate sugar and then let myself use that as an excuse to b/p. oh well, today im starting fresh and it feels good.

i do not have all my ducks in a row BUT i am getting them one by one in a row and reminding myself that organizing your ducks takes time. its ok to be patient when it comes to recovery.

GOLD STARS FOR TODAY:

*smiling

*sending in both my application for my massage license and for the NCETMB test

*writing on this blog

*doing part of the grounding hw for the sugar support program

*reading Andrea Roe’s story and being encouraged by it

* realizing that i can fully RECOVER from this ED and depression/anxiety stuff

*being thankful for where i live, my life right now, and my jobs

*teaching yoga this morning even though i was exhausted from a rough nite

*deciding to make some yummy quinoa burgers later so i have good meals in the fridge that are sugar free

* deciding to pick up more in my room before work today

*eating a great lunch and planning a protein snack for later at work so i am not tempted by the treats there

well, that’s it for now. ill write again tomorrow. this will be one of my grounding exercises this week, to write in my blog or write somehwere as a journal. thank you for sharing this with me. its good to know that we are tender humans, all seeking peace, contentment and joy and knowing that it is always at our disposal is cool.