sugar abstinence project -here we go!

woot woot. i like being a part of projects or programs -more self help things i mean. because i am good at them. i am good at completing lists, doing what im supposed to. im not as good at doing things on my own, creating my own programs, etc. BUT apparently this 6 week program is going to help set me up for success im told. its about creating habits, not just from abstaining from sugar, that will nurture me, support my freedom into living life and no longer self sabotaging or harming myself through b/p, depression, etc.

ok, so i received a discount in trade for writing extra about my experience…this is a win win situation for me because now i can afford to do this wonderful sounding but super hard program AND i love to write. good combo.

the first session is tomorrow. its a phone session, one hour long, with other women who are doing teh program too. we get a book, a workbook, and we have to read the book and do exercises from the workbook everyweek. the phone session is withe author of the book and founder of www.firstourselves.com so thats pretty cool and we have to do the wkbk stuff BEFORE the phone call-for me that means doing it today. heheh. good thing a client cancelled on me so i have a few extra hours…

this is what i need to write about…

<<For this first week, you might simply share why you want to participate in the class, what you’re afraid of, what you’re excited by, who encouraged you to do this, whether you’ve taken similar classes before, what you’d hope for yourself by the end of this class, and why it matters to you in your life now, October 2010…>>

So, why do i want to participate in this 6 week, sugar abstinence,’Growing Human(kind)ness’ program? Well, first of all, let me be raw. I am in transition and the bulimia thing SUCKS! I am not making much headway these days. I have again found my apathy spark-heheh, ironic phrase, in terms of life and meaning and change. Course, I am not letting my apathy get the better of me. I have known for about a decade now that food affects me. It wasnt until end of college that I started making better choices about what i ate and saw the change but ironically thats also when i got caught in the web of ED, eating disorders…It was a time of transition. and again i find myself in transition, am scared shitless about myself, my life, etc. but this time i have so many more guns to shoot -i just need that extra support AND i need some stability. i think the stability will come externally from first STOPPING sugar-my main trigger, and then using the program to create healthy routines, using the accountability and support and encouragement of the other women to try something new and hopefully continue this after the 6 weeks are up.

To be honest, i m more scared about the program ending than actually doing the program. i think i can do, im good at being todl waht to do, like i said, the hard part is continuing it on my own.

No one encouraged me to do this program. This was a self decision thing, which is big for me because a lot of my life i have gone to others to ask them their advice (to make the decisions for me ie.) but this time im choosing this program, im choosing abstinence for my own sanity, to prove to myself that im worth it and that i have as much potential as i tell the studnets in my yoga class and the struggling kids in my brain training job (google: LearningRx -awesome program!).

I am excited to feel stable again, i know being off sugar helps -i was sugar free for 3 weeks in january and felt great…and then with no support and transition happened i fell really really hard. so im up to the task again, this time with the guns of accountability and support. bring it on!

i also just graduated from massage school friday so now i get to put into practice my healing techniques-i need to use these on myself so that i am more effective as a Natural Therapeutics Specialist and massage therapist and yoga teacher.

oh yeah, im also scared about christmas and traveling which i will be doing when this 6 weeks ends-thats scary. and thinking about no sugar ever again-i definitely have not comet o terms with that and am not ready to. but this is the first step and im proud to say i am taking it. feel free to do it with me…

look it up at www.firstourselves.com. a great website with great resources not just for sugar abstinence but also healing from overeating, binging, other eating disorders and food ‘stuff’ in general.

love is all you need. so im learning that with myself to survive and live.